the struggle to find a...

I usually don’t lack imagination or creativity. I dream all night and well into the day and find inspiration in almost everything. My problem has never been the creation of the plan, but rather the implementation. It’s the motivation I lack most of the time, and even when I do find the motivation to start working on a new project or picking up a habit, I self-sabotage with roadblocks I place in my own way; excuses and limitations on my own potential, reasons why now isn’t a good time to start, or why then is better. It’s almost like some kind of backwards safety net, convincing myself not to start before I get the chance to fail.

Even upon recognizing that I do this to myself, it’s a hard cycle to break. I’m a perfectionist and I don’t want to do anything if I felt that haven’t done it correctly and with passion. Sometimes that can be a good thing, but more often than not it just limits what I am and am not willing to attempt. I’m trying to keep in mind that nothing will get done if I don’t at least try to do it myself; sitting around and waiting for the right circumstances before I start making an effort is going to have me waiting forever, because there are no right circumstances. Life is going to keep on moving, it’s never going to slow down long enough for me to hop on-board. I just have to catch up.

I’m always wanting to learn new things and branch out into different hobbies but I get overwhelmed easily by the plethora of ideas and hopes I have, and it’s like all of the self doubt I have just hits me at once, and I’m left lost and uninspired, sitting on my ass and just completely unwilling to do anything at all.

For awhile I thought something was wrong with me. I mean, there are plenty of things wrong with me, but it took me a bit to realize that maybe this was not one of them. Apparently a lot of people feel this way. It took me even longer to realize that it’s still up to me to get up off my ass and do something to push through it.

I struggled for a while trying to decide what I wanted my first blog post to be about, what I want the general theme of my blog to be. I just like writing and want a place to share my thoughts and photos. I wrote three different drafts and trashed them all before realizing that maybe that was the point.

It’s not about starting off a certain way, or at a certain time, or in a certain place, it’s about just starting at all. It’s easier to ride the bike once you’ve got the wheels turning, once you’ve kicked up off the ground and got your balance. I want to write more, so here I am. If I had it all figured out from the get-go, I suppose there wouldn’t be any need to get-go at all, now would there?

So here it is. Welcome to my starting point. I wanna use this blog as an opportunity to improve my writing, expand my thoughts, showcase my work, share my journey and get to know and spotlight other creatives that inspire me along the way. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do!

To kick it off, here are some pictures from one of my favorite studio shoots to date. Makeup by the amazing Jessica Lea and photos by one of my favorites James! Check out his website for more of his work :)